How often are you present?

I read a wonderful book on my short trip to Geneva recently. A room on the sea by Andre Aciman. A book so well written, it might just be the most enjoyable read I have ever had.

I devoured this book in a day. Since making some important changes in my life, my ability to be truelly present in the moment, has been life changing.

They say that if you are ill you have one thing to worry about. Getting better. If you had ten minutes to leave your house, you would take one bag. If someone you care for dies, you immediately become available to share your condolences and pay tribute. Why then do people find it so hard to be present.

I have often said that we are all the hero in our own story, and when asked, people will describe what is most important to them in their lives. This often includes family and friends. But these same people will not be present with their family and friends. Birthdays are missed, texts are sent instead of cards, and thoughtless gifts are sent in lieu of real time. I just spent a day with my best friend and we talked, drank coffee, and worked out. There was no TV, no phones. We were present.

Regrets and hate are heavy. I don’t carry them. I put a lot of effort into being truelly present. Truelly there for the people I would list if I was asked who and what are most important to me. This act is selfless but in an ubiquitous way makes me content and happy.

Arnold Schwarzenegger once said, that we all have 24 hours in a day and we are in control of how we use it. His success has been credited with using every hour in a way that aligned with his goals. We all have 24 hours and we all have a choice as to how we spend it. Everyone has time, and everyone can see, speak, and listen to those they care about.

I lost my mother in 2016 and the loss hit me like a high speed train. But you know what. I have peace in my heart. I love my mother, and I spent as much time, as much money, as much emotion as I could on her. I prioritised her, I involved her, and before she left this world we had told each other how we felt about each other, our lives and what we meant to each other. I was never once with her and not fully focused on her and the time we spent. The time we have each day is indeed 24 hours. But the time available is limited.

Prioritise the people that matter. Make that call, make that apology, make that visit, make that effort. Be the person that has peace in your heart. Crying at a funeral and paying homage is too late.

Don’t talk about it be about it. Trust me. True happiness comes from being this person. Regrets and me are strangers and that will forever be true.